A dream promotion

It’s official. Last Wednesday was my last day at work. I received my dream promotion: stay-at-home motherhood! I had to pause to re-read that last sentence because it still feels surreal, even though I'm five days in. I fancied the aspiration of stay-at-home mamahood while in college, but it didn't become a tangible goal until Serene was born. Returning to work after maternity leave was so hard for me. Three months is obviously not enough time for a baby to be self-sufficient without her mama. And let's be honest - I had a bigger case of separation anxiety than Serene did when she turned 3 months. I considered packing my bags for Finland, Canada, or somewhere where one entire year (!) is the norm for parental leave.

You’ll adjust, they said when I immersed myself back into the full-time gig. I was so blessed to work alongside amazing folks, doing work that mattered. And yet I battled feelings of guilt for months. When I was at work, I felt guilty for not being able to care for my baby, and so sad to miss certain milestones. When I was home, I regretted not being fully present for Serene because the second shift, in addition to working from home, working part-time to foster community at our apartment complex, being present at ministry functions, and sharing life with others, was so real. My heart was divided. Tears poured at least once a week. I took my stress out on Alex. It was a wretched cycle. I yearned to fulfill this calling, but felt helpless to do so in the current situation.

So we prayed fervently. And prayed some more. And decided that my resigning this summer would be the best move for our family. We're convinced that this time together where I can more fully come alongside Alex and care for Serene is more precious to us than income stability. Which may appear foolish to many, but God has always provided for us, more abundantly than we deserve. His faithfulness exceeds our little faith time and time again. Alex likes to gently remind me when I am tempted to compare ourselves to others that "to the world, we may not have much, but we have so many riches in Christ. We have God. We have one another. We have a place to live and food to eat. We have community. We're so blessed." And now I am privileged to be a stay-at-home mama, on top of all of that. I'm aware that not every day will be rosy, but every moment, whether wonderful or mundane, will tangibly count for the Kingdom as I strive, by God's grace, to love and disciple Serene. Plus, it helps that I find my new boss exceedingly endearing. So grateful for this new season of life, which is laced with God's kindness. Thank you, Lord.