At the cusp

I am 37 weeks pregnant with the littler love, which means he will be making his entrance into the world soon! My doctor sent me to get an ultrasound last week because she felt I was measuring small when she saw me a week beforehand at my 35 week appointment. I was a little surprised but not worried because my belly was smaller with Serene Joy and she turned out fine weight-wise at birth, growing well and staying consistently at or below the 25th percentile to this day at 19 months. Alex and I were excited to see baby boy last week via ultrasound. He's in position (head-down), which I suspected since every time he hiccups, I feel him low in my pelvis. He was also sucking in utero, which we found endearing. The ultrasound technician couldn't tell us if he was measuring fine or not for his gestational age, but the doctor called the following day and let us know that he would likely be born a little under average weight for newborns, which is nothing to worry about. However, she also mentioned that his left kidney is measuring a tad larger than normal at his gestational age. She was pretty ambiguous about the information, and only shared that he would be taken in for exams once he is born. My mama instincts flare toward anxiety; praise God for His grace in reminding me that He is sovereign, good, and that he loves our baby boy more than Alex and I do. Consequently, we are praying we would trust in God's faithfulness and protection over our littler love.

People have been asking if I'm ready to give birth again. I haven't really a choice, but I do hope I endure the pain better this time around. I'm aware each birth is different, but I'm fervently praying I get to the hospital in time to get an epidural and that I won't need an episiotomy again. Thankfully, my pelvic pain has eased somewhat, being replaced by Braxton Hicks contractions these past few weeks. The contractions have been consistent and relatively strong, which is a good sign my body is getting prepared for birth day. In terms of cravings, I haven't craved anything out of the normal since the first trimester. I attempt to eat healthy for the most part, except when I craved hot wings during the first trimester. For the past couple of weeks though, I've had a hankering for chocolate. My mama-in-law brought us back some decadent chocolate from Europe, which we finished in a week. Now I want chocolate-covered strawberries and jamoca almond fudge ice cream. I usually don't crave chocolate either.

In addition to the updates above, these last few weeks of pregnancy have brought out my sin a hundredfold. People have told us that the more kids you have, the more you fight. Totally makes sense because having a babe in utero and a 19-month-old toddler show me my self-centeredness and pride time and time again. Serene is teething, transitioning from two to one nap a day, and whines to communicate more than I'd prefer. I am learning these are opportunities to love, disciple, and discipline her although I fail often. I have been tired, feisty, and irritable, which makes my poor husband the target most of the time. I can blame it on my hormones, but at the heart of it is my ugly sin. Thankful for grace and forgiveness on the cross, and that God sanctifies me and does not leave me in my sin. I am blessed beyond what I deserve.