Nowhere else I'd rather be

Right before typing this, I was nursing Valor while reading (Mulan, Goldilocks and the Three Bears, God is King, and Beauty and the Beast) to Serene as she sat next to me, exclaiming at her favorite parts in each story and diligently plastering my right arm with shiny zoo animal stickers. The aforementioned scene sums up our lives these days. We're essentially in our pajamas all day long. I'm balancing breastfeeding and soothing the littler love while trying to spend quality time with and taking care of the little love. Sometimes we have days where Valor sleeps well, Serene is obedient, and they both nap at the same time (!!!) in the mid-afternoon so I can tackle the housework or take a much-needed nap myself. Those days feel like parenting wins. Then we have days where Valor wails and sleeps only in my arms, Serene throws consecutive tantrums, I get insufficient one-hour naps at night, and the house looks like a battlefield. Those days feel like parenting fails. That's when I grumble to Alex we had bad days.

There've been a barrage of fails, which God is using to remind me that my joy is not dependent on my circumstances - whether Serene eats a ton of veggies that day, whether Valor snoozes a stretch longer than two hours, or whether I get a healthy meal on the table for my family. Rather, my joy is found in who I am in Christ: a sinner saved by grace who is deeply loved by the Father. It is a no-brainer to say this but to act upon this truth in the daily circumstances is a more difficult endeavor. I need to pray more earnestly for grace to seek Jesus in my everyday. To run to forgiveness on the cross when I fail. To cry for help to love as Christ loved us. Then I might remember that these days are fleeting so I ought to treasure this stage where Valor wants to be cuddled all day long. That it is not the end of the world to heat up frozen dumplings for dinner. That I can love, discipline, and show Serene that she can't obey without God's grace, just as I can't. After all, that's why Jesus died for us.

In short, God is good and life's a bit chaotic but full. Full of sweetness, grace, forgiveness, and joy. What a privilege to be in the midst of it all. There is nowhere else I'd rather be.