Serene's January favorites

In an effort to remember Serene at age two, I am capturing her favorites each month. In January 2016, Serene has been:

LOVING: the color orange
EATING: Os oat cereal
WEARING: a half ponytail
READING: Madeline's Tea Party
PLAYING: with pretend cookies and cupcakes
WORKING ON: taking off her cocoon (sleep sack) and pajamas by herself
SAYING: "You okay? Don't be scared."

Her favorites from earlier months: December, November, October.

Heavy

My mama's heart has been so heavy lately. There's so much I cannot control, though I want to. I cannot control the kids' sickness that persisted all month. I could not stop Valor from repeatedly throwing up yesterday. I could not prevent Serene from getting knocked over onto her face last night, thus resulting in scratches and bruises on her face, a split upper lip, and a chipped tooth. I could not stop an acquaintance from feeding Valor chocolate cake though I told her not to because he is only eight months old and cake is reserved for his first birthday. I cannot help when others sneak Serene sweets without asking, not because I am trying to rain on their parade in those particular instances, but because I see the whole picture that ever since Serene started eating sugary treats from the many hands that often offer them, she refuses to eat everything else that is nutritious except for plain rice or pasta, which makes mealtime and bedtime exhausting battles.

Because I am with the kids all the time, I see and feel it all. I desire their best, sometimes too staunchly. My idolatry for control manifests itself repeatedly as circumstances don't fare my way. I feel exhausted, angry, and disrespected. I am thankful God does not leave me in my sin. Rather, in His infinite kindness, He convicts me of my hard heart and reminds me how I need the gospel. How I need to remember that Christ died for my sin so that I could be free of my idolatry. How I need grace to trust in His sovereignty, goodness, and faithfulness even when situations don't pan out the way I'd prefer. How He cares for His children far more deeply than I can ever love the little loves with whom we've been entrusted. How He is the better parent and desires our ultimate good in Christ. These truths comfort my heavy mama's heart. Praise God.

Valor's first wagon ride

Part of the reason we love where we live is that we get to serve as local missionaries here. In addition to throwing several events every month in order to foster community, we also visit our neighbors every week, whether we are welcoming new residents, caring for them, celebrating their milestones, or checking in on their living satisfaction. When we moved here, Serene was just a month old babe. Alex and I alternated wearing her whenever we ambled around our apartment community. Once Valor was born, Alex and I each sported a baby during our visits. Now that they're both bigger, carrying them for long periods of time is a loftier task. While we can still wear Valor, Serene walks, but usually not quickly enough for us to accomplish our target number of visits in a day. In the fall, we chanced upon a wagon at a thrift shop. I was over the moon! It was so similar to one I had been contemplating getting for the kids for Christmas, except the one we found is an older, discontinued model with lovely weathered, wooden sides. Best of all, it was in perfect working condition, and sold for less than 25% of the retail price. Since then, Serene enthusiastically climbs into the wagon for our neighborhood jaunts. Alex pulls the wagon while I wear Valor. The wagon has been so helpful to tote the kids and event supplies during this season of our lives. For the first time last week, Valor joined his big sister in the wagon. They adored being able to stare at each other as they got pulled around. I couldn't help but snap some pictures; I was dying over the cuteness. Thankful they get to cultivate childhood memories in a little red wagon.

Letters to Valor: 8 months

My dear Valor Zeal,

A new year. A new month of life. What sweet grace from the Lord to start off 2016 at 8 months of life! We are thankful to our gracious God for your life. You fill our hearts to the brim. We cannot help but break out into the silliest grins when beholding you. Your chubby cheeks, your dinosaur voice, your chunky thighs, your cuddliness - it's all too good. The way you snuggle into our necks when we hold you. The way you plant slobbery, open-mouthed kisses on our faces. The way you smile so contentedly when we kiss your squishy cheeks. The way you stare, wide-eyed and open-mouthed at your sister and us. When we return your gaze, you grin and say, "Eh!" You are such a sweet baby. You observe quietly more than you vocalize, but when you do, you utter repetitions of "nyeahnyeahnyeah" and "mamama" in your raspy voice. You click your tongue, bite your bottom lip, and giggle close-mouthed. You laugh loudly when tickled in your armpits and tummy. You erupt into giggles during games of peekaboo, and when your big sister squeezes a squeaky ball. You are so endearing I squeeze you close and smother you with kisses as often as possible. Which you love!

You're more still and chill than I am used to, as your big sister was absolutely everywhere at your age. If you're sitting, you sit contentedly for a while, taking in your surroundings with calculation and the most furrowed of brows. If you then decide to be mobile, you lean forward until you land onto your tummy. Then you commence scooting and rolling around effortlessly, all because the world is such a curious place you must touch, taste, and see. You rock back and forth in crawling position, and crawled one step forward today for the first time. You grab everything with lightning speed. Once you take hold of an object, you taste it. If it suits your fancy, you gnaw away on it. You also enjoy pounding on the little piano in the living room. Your sister tries to have tea parties with you, and you oblige by stuffing teacups into your mouth. You adore bouncing on your toes while supported alongside your big sister, who jumps up and down gleefully next to you. You love her a ton, and break out into a huge smile every time you see her. Your growing sibling relationship is heart-breakingly sweet to witness.

You love to eat. You scarf down generous servings of pureed zucchini, butternut squash, carrots, green beans, mashed banana, mashed avocado, and meatball (which you tried for the first time today) with speed and gusto. You chew on your sippy cup happily. Or any teether these days because you're sprouting your two bottom front teeth! They're not visible yet, but I feel them emerging when I press on your gums. You're still nursing well, around six times in a twenty-four hour period. When you want to nurse, you pant, whine, and throw your head back. You're most relaxed when you feed as you snuggle closely against me for comfort. You stare up at me as if you're studying my face, smiling faintly as you drink, until you doze off. You take a nap every two and a half hours or so, three times a day. You whine loudly and kick ferociously when you're tired and ready for a nap, which is when we plop you down. You roll around, cry a bit, and knock out. You get ready for bedtime around 7:30pm, sleep around 8pm (sometimes 9pm if we're out and about), wake up around 5am to nurse, sleep until around 7am before you wake up to nurse again, and sleep for another 2-3 hours before you're up for the day. We are so thankful for the general predictability of your eating and sleeping habits these days.

You wear size 3 diapers, some 6 month clothes, but mostly 6-9 month and 6-12 month clothes. You wear size 2 shoes. You're a healthy, growing babe. We cherish having a little boy. God is so good to us through you. We enjoy you immensely. You are so very loved.

Love you so,
Mama

P.S. Valor Zeal at 0, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, and 7 months. Plus, his birth story.